It Starts Slowly
by Ms.IntrovertedDreamer
Summary: It's not that Reyna doesn't have emotions. She just lost her way. Decided that not feeling was better then feeling. But now, she's starting to think she was wrong.


**In an hour, it's going to be one day before the House of Hades comes out.**

**AHH!**

**I think I'll do what I did last year, with MoA. I'll stay up late, load it on my kindle at midnight, and read half of it, go to sleep at like four, and secretly read it while telling my mom I'm reading my book for school.**

**Oohhh, yeah. I can't wait. XD**

**Disclaimer: OMG. Did you guys know that I'm not Rick? I had no idea!**

**This explains so, so much.**

* * *

It's starts slowly.

Losing your emotions. Pushing them away 'till it seems you don't have them.

It's not that Reyna doesn't have emotions. She does. It's that it seems like she doesn't.

When she was young, she experienced many things. None of them good.

Her home was destroyed. She and her sister was terrorized by pirates. Her sister left her.

Reyna couldn't take it, feeling everything. Feelings guiding everything in her life. Taking over everything. She was depressed, scared, sad, guilty, everything. It was too overwhelming.

So she pushed it aside.

Reyna pushed away her feelings, again and again and again. Until it seemed like she didn't have. She wasn't in touch with them. She would know what she was feeling, at any moment. If you asked, she most likely lie to keep face. But she'd know what she felt. Depressed, scared, sad, guilty, even when she was happy. She'd know what she was feeling, she just couldn't feel it.

It's confusing, isn't it? She doesn't understand it. She doesn't know whether it is a good thing or not.

In the beginning Reyna was glad. She was tired of feeling. Of never being able to let go of the memories of her past. But not long after, she began to realize that there was a point where if you continue to push your feelings away, it was almost impossible to get them back.

Again. Reyna knew what she'd feel at any given moment. She knows herself well enough for that. She just wouldn't feel them.

She rarely ever smiles. Reyna does not feel happiness anymore. Not really. Sometimes she'll sit back and think, I'm happy. Back there in that moment, when I was with friends and they were joking, including me, we were happy. I was happy.

But she didn't feel like smiling. Because she didn't feel happy.

It starts slowly. First, you feel too much. It takes everything from you. You have no will. No want for anything. Except one thing.

That one thing isn't easily labeled. It took Reyna sometime to realize that what she wanted, was: nothing.

And no, not in the, I already have everything, way. She wanted nothingness. She wanted to stop. Be nothing. To be dead, to be nothing.

Then, you get angry. The next time you get a full-on my life sucks, feeling, or remember something that just makes you slump over and stop everything, you push it away. Don't let yourself feel it. Refuse to feel it.

Reyna doesn't know what came after that. She supposes that she's pushed her feelings away so much, so often, that eventually it became out of her control.

One day she realized, she can't feel straight out emotions. Most of the time. All of the time. It started out a blessing, and ended being her worst enamy. Because Reyna wants to feel. She knows she's able to, now, be fine with her feelings. She's healed. She may never get over the pirates, or ever completely forgive her sister, but she's moved on. She has friends, family, a purpose, now. She doesn't want to continue as a lifeless robot. She knows she isn't meant to show how she truly feels, being Roman, being Praetor, but who's to say she shouldn't feel what she does?

She tries. Reyna tries to break into her feelings. Into herself. Go back to feeling and believing and being human.

But she can't. She will. Slowly, she will. But at the moment, she can't.

It starts slowly.

Losing your emotions. Pushing them away 'till it seems you don't have them.

And it's even slower, harder, to get back in touch with them. And you never know if you'll regret it or not.

What you rather be? Emotionless and almost non-human, or lost and sad and lonely, feeling all too much, 'till you wish more then anything that you were nothingness.

Reyna can only hope she didn't make the wrong choice.

* * *

**He. Hehe. So. Would this be considered as depressing? It is all "And Reyna decides that _yes. She will feel again." _at the end, so, I dunno.**

**Anyways.**

**Reyna's awesome. I love thinking of her and her emotionless self. I'm not good at keeping her in character, but I still love her. And I think this is what she's like. Not a deep down cold hearted person, just someone who lost her way and decided that no feelngs is better then what she was feeling.**

**So, anyways. Good night! I wish everyone luck on trying to sleep tomorrow night, or pay attention to anything other then Tuesday. XD**

**See ya.**


End file.
